Stay and Drown
by The Reanimated Raynor
Summary: An Alternate Universe of Theories, made up solely for a What If story. Rated for drug use and rampant lesbianism.


Stay and Drown (A Sailor Moon Lemonade)  
  
By the Reanimated Raynor (Reanimated_Raynor@interactive.rogers.com, Ryn0r@hotmail.com)  
  
~~~  
  
I don't know where to start.  
  
The beginning, I suppose. Logical, right?  
  
Her name is Meioh Michiru. She, like me, is a Senshi of the Water. Her, of the ocean. Me, of the element itself. We can manipulate the molecules of the most important resource on Earth and turn them into a pure force to be used as a weapon. Just like Jupiter and Thunder, Mars and Fire. She, like me, never was that attracted to guys. To put it bluntly, she, like me, is a lesbian. I have Makoto. She has--had--Haruka.  
  
The Fates decided one day to spin a Black tapestry for Haruka. This tapestry fell like a blanket of shocked silence on the racetrack that day when the car she was in exploded into flames after hitting the wall. Another car had driven right up her rear bumper and eased off the accelerator too late. It was a textbook PIT manoeuvre, and Haruka spun out while the other car drove off, none the worse for wear except for a little paint mark where he hit her car. Haruka did stop the car from spinning after one revolution, and just in time for her to slam head-first into the wall on the outside of the track. Since she just gained control of the car again it accelerated into the wall, and the small engine fire that erupted quickly spread to the gas tank. Haruka, unconcious at this point, never had a chance. Before anyone could get to her the tank exploded.  
  
Michiru has since changed. I mean, who wouldn't, right?Imagine the one person you truly couldn't imagine yourself without leaving you, no goodbyes, no reasons, not even anyone to blame. Not only do you have to imagine it you have to live with it. I'm sure I've never felt what she has, but I'm also sure I would go through the exact same thing that she is if Makoto were to die like that.   
  
Which brings me to the story I've been trying to get to for the last page or so. No, Makoto's not dead too. I'm going to go over to Michiru's place to help cheer her up if I can. We Water Senshi, we share something special. Maybe it'll help.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
S¯t¯a¯y¯¯¯a¯n¯d¯¯¯D¯r¯o¯w¯n  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Walking along the sidewalk to thei--her apartment, watching my shadow along the sidewalk as the street lamps shift it around me, I wonder if there is anything that I can do, really. I mean, what can I say that hasn't been said? She's gotten apologies for her loss and condolences from everyone she knows already, including me. She even talked about going into therapy. What's left to do?  
  
I don't really have a plan in mind, which is pretty new to me, as I walk to her apartment. Nothing. Not even the slightest trace of what I should or could do. For all I know, I might be making it worse by talking to her about this. But still something inside me is so sure I can help somehow...  
  
I glance at my watch. 10:10 PM. She's still up, unless she went and meteored herself to sleep. No, I remind myself, she's never smoked alone It was always a social thing. She'd be up.  
  
I finally get to the apartment complex. I walk in and take the elevator up to the fifth floor. As I go up, I become more and more unsure of myself. Come on, Ami, you're going to be able to help her, I think. And it comforts me. As long as I stay positive.  
  
I walk down the corridor to 511. I'm about to knock when I see a note taped to the door. "Gone swimming. Left at 8."  
  
I consider this a positive thing. Best to get into some sense of familiarity to help move on.  
  
I walk home quickly and get my swimsuit, then go to the community centre. I change, then walk out to the nearly empty pool and its lone occupant.  
  
I walk over to one of the benches silently and watch her as she does laps, a sad smile on my face. She's getting back to her routine.   
  
She's almost at the olympic level with her swimming. I watch, amazed, as she goes down the pool at a blistering pace. At the shallow end at the other side of the pool she gets out and lays down on the deck, her legs dangling down into the water. She's breathing pretty hard. How long has she kept this up for?  
  
I walk over to her. She turns her head at the sound of my footsteps and smiles. "Hey...Ami." She breathes.  
  
"Hey, Michi." I return, smiling back and sitting down beside her. "How're you doing?"  
  
"Not bad...I guess..." Either she sighs or just continues huffing and puffing, I'm not sure. "...What brings you...here?"  
  
"Wanted to see if I could cheer you up." I say.  
  
She laughs at that. "I guess being cheered up...is what I need most right now. Although I have been getting on alright...by myself in that department."  
  
"That's good...sometimes I come here late to do something with a little excess energy or a few days' worth of frustration."  
  
"Yeah, but it's not just swimming. I've started smoking again. Y'know, routine. Just bought some more...in fact. But I smoked this stuff and the high was...different. Not bad, just different. I did a little research and apparently I've got eight ounces of indica."  
  
Whatica? "Indica?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"As opposed to..."  
  
"Sativa, which is what we normally get. Sativa is a mellow high. Indica is the opposite."  
  
"Interesting...Is that why you've been out here for an two and a half hours?"  
  
"I've been here that long? Wow...well, that and I've been moping for the better part of five days. Lot of time for excess energy to build up. A lack of Sativa to help me sleep doesn't help matters."  
  
"Well, I've got some Sativa on me...would you want to trade?"  
  
"How much do you have?"  
  
"Mmm..." I do some quick mental math. "About four grams."  
  
"Ok. How's about I take half of that, you can have a bunch of my Indica, it'll all be good."  
  
"I'll do you one better. Why don't I walk you home, smoke you, and then you can have two grams of my Sativa for the bunch of Indica."  
  
"You drive a hard bargain. Deal." She says, getting to her feet. "Thanks."  
  
"Any time." I say, also getting to my feet and giving her a hug.  
  
We start walking to the changeroom. "So much for me getting this on." I say, gesturing at my bathing suit.  
  
She laughs again as we go into the changeroom. It's good that she can still laugh.  
  
We get our stuff out of the lockers, and change in silence. Even though she seems partially over Haruka, she's still not her normal self yet. I decide to give her as much quiet as she wants.  
  
I can't help but steal at least one glance at her as we change. My god, she's beautiful. I remember when I first realized my preference, she was my first female crush. Of course, the second was Makoto. But you never forget the first. I bite my lower lip and repeat I've got Mako. I've got Mako. I've got Mako. in my head as I finish changing.  
  
We walk out of the community centre and head in the direction of her apartment. Finally, she seems to be ready to talk, as she says "Hey, Ami, Were you going to come over to smoke me to cheer me up anyways?"  
  
"No...I really couldn't tell you what I was planning on doing to cheer you up. I just...just kept thinking I had to do _something_, and before I knew it I was walking over to your apartment."  
  
Michiru nods. "I knew I needed to get back into the swing of my everyday life, and I was thinking of calling up the six of you, have a big forgetting party or something, and feel better about myself when I woke up the next morning. Guess you beat me to it."  
  
"I guess...only it's just me."  
  
"That's alright. If I had to pick one of you to help cheer me up it'd be you. Us Senshi of the Water, we have to stick together." She says with a smile, throwing an arm around me.  
  
I laugh at that. "That was what I was thinking when I was walking over here!"  
  
"You were? Great minds think alike, you know."  
  
"And fools seldom differ," I counter.  
  
"Well, unless your IQ halved overnight I think we can put ourselves in column A."  
  
"I should hope so!"  
  
We get to the apartment and take the elevator up to the fifth floor. "I felt so depressed the first time I came up here...I haven't had that much experience playing things by ear, you know. I didn't know if I was going to be able to help, or if I would just make things worse and have you hate me for the rest of your life...now I know that you're going to be alright. I'm glad you're starting to feel a little better about everything."  
  
"So am I...I figure she wouldn't want me to waste away in the apartment by myself. She would want me to move on, and continue living my life. You've got to have a positive outlook, otherwise you're going to go crazy trying to figure out what went wrong, right?"  
  
Another sad smile crosses my features. "You know, I used to give Haruka that exact look." She says reflectively as the elevator stopped and we walked out. "We called it 'The Look'. It was like an injoke between us. Whenever Haruka did something for me, no matter how small, it filled me with so much joy I just wanted to cry, and The Look was the expression I always wore when that much joy welled up inside me."  
  
"Wow...I guess The Look is innate to all Water Senshi then."  
  
She laughs at that. "I guess it is." She says as she takes the note off of the door and opens it, walking in. I follow her and close the door behind me, take my sandals off, and walk into her living room, which is unexpectedly empty. "Michi?" I call.  
  
"Just getting my pipe and the Indica." She replies from the bedroom.  
  
"Ah." I say. I get my ground Sativa out of my pocket and sit down on the couch. She comes back with a sea green pipe and lighter. "You've got a QuickSilver lighter too, do you?"  
  
"Haruka gave it to me for my birthday. It's kind of funny, I got her the yellow one for hers. Bought it the day before, in fact." She says as she sits down.  
  
"You were quite the happy couple." I say, the same sad smile from before crossing my features.  
  
"Yeah, The Look must be innate to us Water Senshi."  
  
"Must be." I say. "Shall you do the honours?"  
  
"It would be my pleasure." She says, taking the small container from my outstretched hand and packing the bowl. "Would you like sparks?" She asks.  
  
"You're the one who needs this more." I reply.  
  
"True." She says, holding the now lit lighter and pipe up in a toast. "To Sativa. And sleep." She says, sparking the contents of the bowl and taking what should be an illegally large hit.   
  
She passes the pipe to me, and inhales almost the same quantity of air. I marvel at her amazing lung capacity as I hit the pipe, my lungs not even close to being able to handle the amount of air and smoke she can. Nonetheless, I take a respectable hit and inhale again, and we both sit there, holding our breaths. About six or seven seconds later I finally exhale, and cough once. Michiru still hasn't exhaled. I look at her in amazement and she smiles at me, giving me what must be The Look.  
  
Another 10 seconds pass and she finally exhales, shooting an impressive cloud of smoke out that would put Makoto in awe. "That was amazing." I say right before the wave hits me and I lean back.  
  
"Me and Haruka used to have contests, who could hold in the smoke for the longest. Her, the runner, me, the swimmer. She never realized I was at an advantage since I didn't have the luxury of getting oxygen through my skin when I swam. My record was about fifty seconds, and her about thirty." She says. "...Man, I missed Sativa."  
  
I stare, mouth agape, at her record. Heck, I'm in awe of Haruka's record. "F-fifty seconds?" I manage.  
  
"Fifty point six three," She says, "if I'm not mistaken. I remember the first time I went for any real length of time, I lasted about thirty seconds myself before I started my ascent. Since I relaxed, I also exhaled. Didn't do that the second time, which was the day after that, and that was the record."  
  
"That...that's amazing. I'm speechless."  
  
"Yeah, but I only went for that once. My lungs felt like they were frozen in the process of exploding when I got to about forty-five seconds. I think the only thing that got me through that last five was that Haruka made a bet with me that I couldn't last fifty."  
  
"How much did you win?"  
  
"It wasn't that kind of bet," Michiru says with a wink.  
  
The effect of the words hits me and I start to blush. "Oh."  
  
"Still the same Ami. Glad to see some things don't change."  
  
"'And as the scene would change/I'd stay the same...'" I quote.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"A quote. Finger Eleven's song Stay and Drown."  
  
"Oh. Never heard it."  
  
"Really? I should bring it over, you can listen to it. Pretty angsty song."  
  
"Sounds about for what I'm in the mood for...wait. Finger...hmm...Is that on that 'grey skies' album or whatever it's called?"  
  
"Greyest of Blue Skies, yes."  
  
"That's the one with the cross thing on the CD?" I nod. "I think Haruka had it. Come on." She says, getting up and walking into the bedroom.  
  
She looks around, and finds a black neoprene CD case on the dresser on the right side of the room. "I always wondered why they made CD cases out of material normally used for wetsuits." I say.  
  
"In case someone ever wants to bring their boom box on a deep-sea dive?" Michiru guesses, and I start laughing. "Well, How am I supposed to know?"  
  
"Just wondering." I say between giggles.  
  
"Alright, whatever, let's get this CD...ok, what do we got here...Linkin Park, Linkin Park, Linkin Park...some other stuff I don't recognize...ah. This it?" She asks, holding up a CD.  
  
"Yep, that's the one." I reply.  
  
"Excellent." She switches the CD in the stereo on the dresser with what was in there already, which if I'm not mistaken was Sevendust's 'Animosity'. She turns the stereo on, and asks "What track?"  
  
"The last one, Eleven."  
  
"Ok." She says, cueing up the song. "One per finger, I guess." She muses, making me laugh again. "You always get the giggles this bad when you're stoned?"  
  
"Yeah, most of the time."  
  
The song comes on and Michiru sits down on the bed. I join her, and she gives me The Look again, albeit with the impossibly large grin one can only get if you're high or named Usagi. As it plays through the first verse, she lies down and closes her eyes, mimicing her earlier position on the side of the pool.  
  
I can't help but think The Look had some other purpose than simply an injoke as we both listen to the first verse. As soon as I see it I just want to dive into her arms and lose myself. I'm sure Haruka felt the same way. Poor Haruka. She probably never won an argumemt. I think with a giggle. Either Michiru doesn't notice or she chooses not to comment.  
  
Absentmindedly, I airdrum the verse and chorus. At times, I can block out everything around me excluding the music if I airdrum a song I really like. This happens to be one of those times, and I get lost in the tide of the music. When the first chorus ends, Michiru opens her eyes again and looks up at the ceiling. "This is a really good song." She says, snapping me out of the trance I was in.  
  
"It's my favorite on the album." I say distantly. She closes her eyes again. Even with her loss, and the depressing, angst-ridden style of the music we're listening to, she still looks so peaceful.  
  
As we listen to the second verse, I start to nod my head to the backbeat. Like airdrumming, I can get pretty caught up in keeping the beat with the movements of my head, and I bring myself back into the earlier trance I was in. As the second chorus comes on I am again snapped out of said trance when Michiru starts singing the with the CD. "Would you take my hand/in the deepest end/Would you stay and drown in me/Take my hand/in the deepest end/Would you stay and drown in me..."  
  
Her voice is clear and piercing like the sun through the ocean, yet still carries all the pain that the lead singer has in his rougher voice. For some reason the mental picture of an angel in a pool of blood comes to mind.  
  
As the second repeat of the chorus ends I notice her voice breaking slightly and lowering almost to a whisper. I look at her, and her eyes are closed tight, a pained expression on her features. A lone tear is trickling down the side of her face. This sight truly breaks my heart. Nobody should have to feel this kind of pain, ever. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and here it is happening to one of my best friends.  
  
Thoughts race into my mind faster than I can react to them and I lean down and kiss her softly. She doesn't open her eyes, but does relax them, and wraps her arms around my neck as we kiss. The bridge plays on in the background.  
  
This doesn't feel like reality. Such a force of joy and frustration, pain and pleasure, coursing through me at the same time. I suppose Michiru is feeling the same. In a slightly less depressing context, I'd enjoy tripping out on this internal paradox.  
  
I break the kiss and notice that now I'm starting to cry. She looks up at me with her bloodshot aquamarine eyes, those eyes that I could stare into forever and not reach their depth, and gives me The Look one more time as the final chorus starts up. All the emotion comes crashing down on me as I collapse under its weight, and she brings me down in a crushing embrace. The storm hits and we bring each other as close as possible, trying to weather it as best we can.  
  
I've made my decision. I've taken her hand into the deepest end. I'm staying and drowning in her, in her eyes, in this sea of emotion we've been carried out into the middle of. The two of us, alone in the world. All the pain we both feel over the death of one of our closest friends is coming out in a hurricane of tears and sobs.  
  
Behind us, the song fades the last guitar note into static and ends.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
¯R¯y¯n¯Ø¯r¯ 


End file.
